Peggy’s prompt——to honor myself

Peggy’s prompt—041010—to honor myself




I’ve tried to think back into childhood to see why it is so hard for me to honor myself. Maybe it stems from how incredibly shy I was as a schoolgirl when I could hardly bear to have attention turned to me. So, when Mama would tell Grandmother and Pa about my good grades, I hid my head. Not that Mama was bragging. No, my mother didn’t brag, and heartily disapproved of people who did. Perhaps that came from her country upbringing, feeling less secure socially than the kids from town. So, from her, I learned not to brag, and certainly not to brag on myself. I guess of all the “feminine” traits I might have been deliberately taught, modesty would have been at the top of the list.



Then in high school, when it was clear that I could make very good grades, I was always torn between pride in my intellect, pleasure in my achievement but also wanting to fit in with the other kids. As it was, I mostly hung around with a high-achieving crowd, so fitting in was easier.



So how does this relate to honoring myself now? It’s epitomized by my difficulty in writing my own obituary, which I have planned to do for years, even before I got cancer. The problem is that I can’t decide how to portray myself. Do I take the modest route and list only family members who survive me, or do I include a lengthy listing of career achievements, which would, of course, be bragging by my mother’s standards.



So which would honor me more? Or is there a middle ground where a simple statement is included that says something like “Dr. Camp had a career in medical education, retiring in 2001 as Associate Dean at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. She was a member and officer in several national and international organizations and received a number of awards in recognition of her work.” Would that suffice? Would it both honor the life I’ve lived but also avoid the dreadful sin of bragging? I hope so, as I think I’ve just found a solution to the obituary problem.