Mike (Electric) Mixer meets Suzy Sofa

Mike (Electric) Mixer meets Suzy Sofa

(as overheard by Gwendie Camp)

“Meet Mike Mixer,” said Bill Brush. “This here’s Suzy Sofa.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Suzy said softly.

She hoped she looked right. She wasn’t used to this new room yet. She’d spent most of her life up against the wall in the living room, under the large reprint of a lovely seashore scene. In fact, her teal polished cotton fabric had been selected specially to match the foam of the waves crashing in the picture.

“You haven’t been here long, have you?” said Mike Mixer. “I haven’t seen you at parties here before.”

“No, I just moved into the great room from the living room. I’m not even sure yet whether I’m going to like it here.”

“Oh, you’ll love it. There’s always something fun happening here. My specialty is mixing drinks. What’s your favorite drink? Brandy Alexander? Dacqueri? Mai tai?”

“Oh, I usually try to stay away from mixed drinks,” Suzy said. “I guess my favorite would be a big glass of cold water.”

“Oh, really? You should branch out a little. Fluff those pillows. Test those springs. Get a little dirt down behind the cushions.”

“Oh my gosh. I’d never do that. I really enjoy it when there’s a nice fire in the fireplace and my cushions get all warm and I feel so cozy.”

“Warm, huh? Well there’s plenty of other ways to feel warm besides a fireplace. Take my word for it. For example, suppose those teenage kids turn out the light and engage in a little hanky-panky right on your cushions, you know what I mean?”

“I most certainly do NOT know what you mean,” Suzy said. “Where I come from, the #1 company for family values in furniture, we are guaranteed to be comfortable but firm, suitable for the finest home.”

“Maybe so,” said Mike, “but you ain’t seen nothing yet.”