Peggy’s prompt---sometimes—20 min

Peggy’s prompt---sometimes—20 min




Sometimes----the beginning of many a song. Sometimes—always a feeling of melancholy comes over me when I hear “sometimes”..Sometimes when we kiss...Sometimes I feel like a motherless child…Sometimes. Once in a while. Occasionally. A few times. Seldom. Not all the time. Nothing is jumping up at me. Perhaps it’s the pain, which is easing off. Or perhaps it’s the pill which enables the easing off, but also causes drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery until you know how this medicine affects you. I like the pain easing off, but I don’t like the drowsiness. I already feel like half a person in terms of what I do every day. I was thinking that because my joints, especially my hips, hurt so bad that I can not really do tai chi properly, that perhaps I ought to break down and join a Y and go and swim or do water aerobics. But then how would I pay for another monthly bill? Give up the housecleaner? No way. That’s my most favorite way to spend my money. Sigh. Just keep going in the red in the effort to feel better? Is it better to feel better in my body but have more worry/anxiety in my mind? How about less anxiety but more body pain, which is what I’m doing now. These choices. It’s times like these that I really resent how money, often money that I earned was spent in the past, and how little I have to show for it. If things had been different, and I won’t go into that, I’d be sitting pretty today in terms of money. I’d probably still have the cancer, but I’d have much more financial freedom. Oh well, no point in dwelling on that. Nothing about the past will change. And I want to keep as positive as possible. Today I read about a woman who was “battling” breast cancer, in treatment, for 17 years. I hope I don’t do that. Or at least I tHINK I don’t want to do that. As I told Alice yesterday, how do you know when you’re done with the battle, the treatments. How do you quit? Maybe you don’t call it quitting. You call it surrendering. I just don’t know.